This new Tale of Brooklyn Childcare Woe comes from Carroll Park in Carroll Gardens, raises the specter of nanny-needing parents cruising the parks and byways to try to hire away Someone Else’s Nanny. Exhibit A is an email circulating via the BoCoCa Parents group:
As we all know finding a good nanny is difficult. I had to post this to get it off my chest. Last week my nanny, Andrea, was at Carroll Park with my son Hudson and was approached by a Mother looking for a full time nanny. Andrea said she told the mother that she worked for me 3 days a week and still asked her to come to her house for a chat. She went over and the Mom offered her 5 days a week. Andrea thankfully said no thank you, but still. I can’t imagine trying to get someone else’s nanny to come work for me. I just wondered if any other parents had some similar experiences with this.
Here is one response that compares Nanny Poaching to Husband Stealing:
I think that’s outrageous! After you put in the hard work of finding someone you feel comfortable leaving your child with that another mother would come along and try to steal her. Especially when there are constantly available nannies with excellent recommendations looking for work on this group. Its like women who have no problem getting involved with another women’s husband. We have a hard enough time making new female friends and trusting them, people like that make the rest of us look bad. Selfish!!!
And, finally, we have what we’d call the “stuff happens” response:
Although I don’t endorse what the mom did, you can’t prevent people from speaking and responding to one another and you obviously can’t prevent your nanny from listening and possibly be interested. This may not be what you’d like to hear, I’m sorry to say, but your nanny maybe sending you a message implying that she may need/want more work/money. Just food for thoughts…
Which, of course, raises a very interesting point: Presumably the original nanny brought word of the attempted poaching to her employer. Could it simply be a negotiating tactic? Even if the attempted luring away via offer of a better job was real, reporting it to one’s employer could be tactical.
16 responses so far ↓
1 Anonymous // May 2, 2008 at 9:24 am
Sounds like a lazy desparate mother. At least she wasn’t luring the child back to her apartment. And, did this Nanny meet with the woman WHILE she had the kid with her? I say fire that Nanny if she took that child anywhere inside anywhere with a stranger. Male or female. I hate Carroll Park. Half those nannies never even interact with their charges.
2 Sarah // May 2, 2008 at 10:45 am
Pay your nannies more, treat them well, and they’ll stick with you.
It’s a free market, baby!
3 6th grader's mom // May 2, 2008 at 11:45 am
I love how each generation of moms indignantly rediscovers stuff older moms already know.
Nannies will leave you and work FOR SOMEONE ELSE if you don’t pay enough!
It’s very hard to find a spot for preschool in Brooklyn!
Private school is outrageously expensive!
Big kids sometime go UP the slide and can knock over smaller kids!
Old ladies will admire your baby’s blonde hair in Italian as you take him for his first stroller ride (okay, in Carroll Gardens, maybe not so much any more)!
Signed, veteran mom of a 6th grader
4 native new yorker // May 2, 2008 at 1:05 pm
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
so sick of new york.
5 SC // May 2, 2008 at 1:20 pm
What is the difference between this and headhunter agencies? If the employer wants to keep good talent, they have to pay better or offer better benefits. Of course, you can always sign a contract with your nanny.
6 Jack Straw // May 2, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Boo hoo! I love hearing rich people who can afford nannies cry about their problesm.
7 tales of a sixth grade nothing // May 2, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I love how older moms pompously act like they’ve got it all figured out…until their kids start sniffing glue.
Hey, help a sister out or keep your mouth shut. Tell your big kids not to run over the smaller kids. And lay off other people’s nannies in the park.
8 Anonymous // May 2, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Oh my god, tales of a 6th grade post, I am totally in fucking LOVE with you! right on!
Now, as far as affording those nannies..are they legal? do people care? Back in the day, kids were shipped off to boarding schools in Switzerland.
Love, from St. Moritz.
9 6th grader's mom // May 2, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Hey tales of nothing, It was a fondly-told joke, sister!
But seriously, when my son was little, CG wasn’t so gentrified and it was mostly parents in Carroll Park, not so many nannies. So although poaching nannies may be relatively new in Carroll Park , it’s has been happening forever and ever in nanny-heavy other neighborhoods, it’s a NYC tradition, almost.
Plus, the way I see it, a nanny is not an indentured servant! She’s a free-agent. Generally speaking if your nanny is treated well, fairly paid and feels appreciated, she won’t be interested in job-hunting. But there’s nothing dishonorable about seeing someone who is good with kids in a park and asking her if she’s available.
peace, 6th grade mom
ps: Bigger kids are told to be responsible around the little ones but sometimes they don’t listen! Little kid moms should feel free to step in if they feel like the big ones are too reckless. It takes a village.
10 Slopion // May 2, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I’m with 6th Grader’s Mom. Unless you think it’s immoral for any potential employer to offer someone else—you, for instance—more money to come and work for them, you have no place bitching about nanny poaching. Jesus, the entitlement of some people. Uncompetitive hiring = lower pay. Possibility of poaching = higher pay. Nannies have as much right to benefit from that dynamic as anyone. You relationship with your nanny is not sacrosanct. You are an employer, period. Stop self-servingly telling yourself that it’s otherwise.
11 as // May 2, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Bogus crap is what I say. So your nanny got approached by another mother? It is NOT the same as your husband being approached by another woman. It’s a free market, lady, and you do not own your nanny. Gosh people, get over yourselves. Why create drama where there is none? (Oh, I forgot, New Yorkers are like that.)
12 8th grade mom // May 2, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I am sure that the nanny was approached…that takes alot of nerve and everyone knows how nervy those downtown girls are! Don’t be down on 6th grade mom just because you are jealous that she won’t need a nanny for much longer (if she ever had one). Oh wait, I bet your kids will all have nannys until 12th grade! LESSON FOR TODAY: Take care of your nanny or do the job yourself!
13 Mommy Poppins—Get more out of NYC for kids -- Activities, outings, excursions, camps, free stuff and resources for kids in New York // May 4, 2008 at 9:42 pm
[…] poaching, the new bitchiest thing to do to a girlfriend – Gowanus Lounge and local moms wonder if it could even be worse than stealing another […]
14 mel- // May 5, 2008 at 9:01 am
I am a SAHM and I can’t tell you how many times I have been approached by nannies (often with their charges) and asked if I need to hire help. Sometimes it is clearly for themselves but some say that they are looking for a friend who needs work. (At first, I wondered if I looked like I didn’t know what I was doing… !). Maybe they have a few days and are looking to fill the other ones, or maybe they are unhappy… but THEY approach ME.
I see nannies all day since I am where the kids are full time. There are some incredibly lovely nannies out there, who are clearly treated with respect and truly care about their charges… If I see those kids with their parents at other times, I tell the parents so that they know and hopefully they will do whatever it takes to keep them happy…
These nannies would not leave those kids at the drop of the hat because they have a loving relationship with those kids.
But I think that both sides are true, the parents need to pay and treat the nanny well, AND there will always be some people who are looking for more hours/better pay. Free Market.
15 old timer // May 5, 2008 at 10:07 am
what happened to parents taking care of their own kids?
16 The Juggle - WSJ.com : Nanny Poaching: Fair Game or Dirty Pool? // May 5, 2008 at 10:12 am
[…] Friday post on the Brooklyn Web site Gowanus Lounge relates an email going around in local parenting circles: