This isn’t our typical Sunday Missed Connection, but it moved us in a way that it would anyone that’s been in a similar situation, whatever the cause. Dude needs advice, just like a lot of other people do that have been in dumping/dumped kind of situations:

Have any advice? I’m going through a difficult breakup. – m4w – 28 (Brooklyn)

i met a girl a little over a year ago, and we fell in love really deeply. at the time, i wasn’t willing to use labels like “falling in love” to describe what was happening. my brain would have asked a question like “at what point does it qualify as ‘love,’ ” but at this point, i have no choice but to admit that i loved her very much, and i still do. i have never felt so closely connected to someone, and our relationship has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

anyway, she went on a couple of long trips (she was gone about a month and a half). the traveling made her reassess a lot of things. she ended up sleeping with someone during the first trip, and seemed to be reassessing her life and relationship during the second. she felt that she could see our lives going in different directions, and she decided that we should break up. (of course i’m shortening the story a LOT.)

when she came back, it was a little strange and difficult for me at first (i should say here that we had a very intense connection and relationship–we were together for a year, which i know is short by some people’s standards, but it was a very serious relationship for both of us), but soon we were back to being very close, open, honest, comfortable, etc. we slept together a couple of times after the breakup, and i was feeling like i could handle sleeping together even though i knew that we were in agreement that we were both “single.” i felt like i understood what was going on and that i could handle it, because (i thought) i had already accepted the fact that we had really broken up.

tonight, however, the guy who she cheated on me with came back to town, and it’s really making me feel confused and shitty. i know that they plan to see each other. she says that she doesn’t think it would be wise to get into a relationship with anyone so soon after ours ended, but i know that she will be hooking up with him for sure. she’s still willing to hook up with me, though. earlier today, i was even thinking to myself that i could handle it if she was casually having sex with both of us. i thought that even if she was sleeping with him, i couldn’t honestly say that i’d cut myself off from sleeping with her. now, though, i’m not so sure. i’m starting to think that i shouldn’t talk to her for a while. (i should also add that this isn’t just a ‘sex’ issue… for the 3 times that we slept together since breaking up, we’ve hung out for many, many hours. i love being with her. we have very healthy, productive conversations, and a very strong connection, like i’ve already said. i find it disturbing and scary to think of the possibility of having to cut off all communication with her. i feel that we really help each other.)

this is very hard for me, because knowing her has been extremely positive for me, and i still love her very much (she tells me that she still loves me, too, and i believe it). the idea of not talking to her feels strange to me, but at times i feel like maybe that’s what i should do.

this is definitely a VERY condensed, simplified recounting of events, but do you have any advice or thoughts? i’d like to hear from people with some experience, preferably experience with relationships where both parties are highly intelligent, sane, and circumspect (yeah, i know she cheated on me, but nevertheless she’s a very thoughtful, smart, sensitive girl).

Oh, the webs we weave. Somebody help the poor dude out. Our advice is simple: cry until you get it out of your system in about 20 years or so and maybe by that time you’ll be old and dead.