Something–we’re not sure what–tells us this is a very lost cause. But here goes:

My C train friend — I do have a crush, but I’m not a stalker! – w4m

I started seeing you months ago on the way to work. At first it was a coincidence, then I started to look forward to it. Every day, like clockwork, you were there. I got a thrill but I never thought we would actually speak. The more I saw you, the more I was inrigued by you and attracted to you, and when you sat next to me the first time, my legs started to shake…that’s when I knew I had it bad. I swear to you – I am not crazy, I’m a very successful, well-adjusted, attractive woman and though yes, I do have a serious crush on you, it’s quite innocuous and sweet. Just once, I want to talk to you, maybe find out where you’re from, or what you do, or whatever…that would satisfy me. Sure, I fantasize about you tearing my clothes off…but that shouldn’t be a deterrent from you talking to me. Tonight, I mustered all the strength I could to actually speak to you, and it REALLY didn’t go over well, but hey, I had to take a chance. So next time, if I try to talk to you again, give me a chance, okay? I swear, I’m a nice person.

It REALLY didn’t go over well? The next time should be the charm, then.